): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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