Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
