'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
