Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
