he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
