Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
