i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
