U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just found puke in my bra..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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