So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
