I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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