What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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