I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
