don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
