its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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