Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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