I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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