That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize