Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
