Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
