So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
