I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
