So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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