operation harelip BJ is a go
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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