How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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