That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
