I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
