We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
