Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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