I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
