I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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