my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
