Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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