you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
