can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
