Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
