Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
