If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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