Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
