It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
