he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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