I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
