So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
