I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
