I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize