tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
