We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize