I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
