Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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