stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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