I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
