Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize