Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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