He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
