i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
