she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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