we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
