my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm bleeding and have questions
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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