I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
