i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
