1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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