At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drake has all the answers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
