a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize