Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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