Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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