Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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