Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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